so i just need to rant. suprise suprise lol. anyway, so here's what happened:
I was in English class. I was having an oddly good day and I was happy and laughing and wearing my favorite Wonder Woman shirt. As always, he was joking and playing around with me and Brit. I was having a pretty bad hair day. The first one in a while. He insulted it right off the bat. Normally his insults never bother me, considering he does it all the time, and this one wasn't either...not at first. I finished the day smiling and laughing, and I got home did my homework, and decided to take a bubble bath. So as I was washing my hair, I got really annoyed and flaming mad all of a sudden. Who did he think he was? How could he insult me? Is he forgetting what happened? Who was hurt? For those of you that don't know, we had a semi-"fling" last summer and just when I thought it could be more, he broke my heart. It felt like he ripped it out, froze it, then dropped it off the top of the Chrysler building and watched it shatter into a billion pieces, smiling the entire time. lol I know that's pretty elaborate, but it's my heart so I get to choose the wording. Anyway, back to the story...so, I started to get really mad. I started asking all those questions. All of a sudden I was slamming things down and gritting my teeth and getting really steamed. I mean after all, he was the one that broke my heart. If anybody should be doing the insulting, it's SO me!!! All at once all the pain and hurt he left with me that summer, just flooded back and with it came my tears. I cried myself to sleep. The thing is, I don't know why. I think it may be the aftershock of finding out that still caring about him is useless and I have no room left in my heart for him. I still liked him. A little bit anyway. It's truly amazing. All it took was one insult, just that one tiny thing he said, to show me that all we can/will ever be is friends. The sad thing is, I can't bring myself to hate him like I should. I know that what he did is unforgivable to anyone...anyone but me I guess. I don't know what it is about him. I think he still cares. BUT I hope that on some level he knows that there is no way to fix what he did to me. I'll be his friend. I'll cheer him up when he's sad. I'll play his little games. You know what? I think he might be the reason I can't keep any relationships going...I bet he is. We never began, therefore, we never had a full closure. Maybe that's all I need. Closure.
so yeah...i've decided two things today. 1:straight boys are useless as friends and 2:stuudying/cramming makes me want to throw up! i hate it so much! it's not so bad considering i'm at meaghan's house and it's nice and quiet and such...but it's still studying...but all i have to do to get over it, is remind myself that there are only 8 more days left until summer vacation...please god let the time pass quickly!
okay, so it's almost the end of the year and things have changed, not greatly, but they have changed so, i decided to make a list of all the things i like about life. here it is so far:
1.rain
2.gum
3.costumes
4.friends
5.the color pink
6.theatre
7.dancing
8.stories
9.warm coats
10.antiques
11.paint
12.chocolate
13.Brittany Cook's comic strips
14.late nights
15.hangin out with boys
16.hot bubble baths
17.promises
18.pencils that aren't squeaky
19.being right
20.good grades
21.pasta
22.castles
23.art
24.controversy
25.church
26.internet
27.mysteries
28.nail polish
29.Ashland, OR
30.funky shoes
31.sequins
32.flowers
33.apologies
34.music
35.peaceful sleep
36.happy dreams coming true
37.doing things on a whim
38.cell phones
39.funny pictures
40.school days ending
41.animals
42.drawing
43.reading
44.TV
45.being healthy (not sick)
46.helping friends out
47.good movies
48.happy families
49.picnics
50.beach
51.shopping
52.movies that make me cry
53.cute clothes that really fit
54.zippers that don't get stuck
55.spontaneous actions
56.fresh watermelon
57.good smells
58.camping
59.jogging
60.boys that aren't total jerks all the time
61.laughing
62.jokes
63.Wild Cherry Pepsi
64.hammocks
65.funny afros
66.birds singing
67.cartoons
68.good moods
69.ice cubes
70.organized binders
71.cleaning when I'm mad
72.flags
73.faires
74.trees
75.the sky
76.bright colors
77.culture
78.easy tests
79.starting new projects
80.pet stores
81.solving riddles
82.doggie-poo picker-upper bags
83.boys with manners
84.cute dogs
85.tiny frogs
86.polite drivers
87.figuring things out on my own
88.slight breezes
89.snow angels
90.guitar music
91.sunsets
92.surveys
93.questioning the universe
94.finding flaws in important things
95.wearing make up
96.not always caring how i look to others
97.swimming/floating
98.drink holders
99.fast food that doesn't taste like cardboard
100.wheat thins
101.healthy stuff that tastes yummy
102.making fun of mullets
103.making fun of others hiccups
104.playing with little kids
105.busy schedules
106.chai tea
107.books i can't put down
108.making lists
109.organizing things
110.cooking
111.sharing my opinion
112.dissections
113.coincidences
114.secrets
115.courteous people
116.fast food employees that can count change
117.movie theatres
118.good smelling soap/lotion
119.face masks that actually do something
120.new friends
121.good style/taste
122.messy tacos
123.sarcasm
124.underwear shopping
125.compliments that are easily turned into insults
126.chaos
127.smiley faces
128.accessories
129.people who use big words to sound smarter
130.adrenaline rushes
131.puddles
132.pudding/jello
133.taking the scenic route
134.comfy places
135.baking cookies on uneventful weekends
136.family/holiday gatherings
137.inside jokes with many people on the outside
138.mornings that don't start at the butt crack of dawn
139.random thoughts
140.wedding receptions
141.cars that are automatic
142.safe neighborhoods
143.funny pranks
144.independence
145.celebrities getting sued/arrested
FRIENDS~Pretty good. I've been talking to my friends more, and I've been hangin with em more too.There hasn't been much drama lately either...
FAMILY~ok...I've been moody toward my parents, but that's cuz of stress. Me and my bro haven't hung out in a while, which sucks but it's been hard to find a time when we're both free...I got to see cousins i haven't seen a while recently also.
RELATIONSHIPS~That's sorta bumpy right now. I've discovered that boyfriends only tie you down and hold you back...but on the other hand, I'm confused about someone right now...weird...
HEALTH~Well, I need to sleep more, eat better, and exercise more often...but other than that it's good...lol
MIND~My brain is basically applesauce mush...it has been since vacation...
BODY~I think my tummy's getting fatter, and I think I'm getting taller...
I can't really think of any other categories of life right now, but there's those ones...lol ttfn~meg
